All this talk about gratitude is great but when I feel anxious or frustrated, gratitude seems harder to reach than when I am sitting in the sun looking at the cloud or having a good time. When I am bored or or feeling lackluster, trying to access gratitude can feel like reaching for something on the top shelf when I’m already carrying too much. I am learning that in those moments, it’s not about forcing myself to feel grateful, but about gently cracking the door open to it.

Here is what AI would tell someone who is in the situation I just described (not the reaching for the top shelf, accessing gratitude when it seems out of reach):

1. Start small. Ridiculously small.
Don’t try to leap into deep gratitude for your whole life. Try: “I’m grateful this cup is warm in my hands.” Or, “I’m grateful I can hear the birds outside.” You’re not trying to change your whole state — just let a tiny bit of light in.

2. Acknowledge what’s hard first.
Sometimes gratitude needs to follow validation. You can say: “This is really hard right now, and it makes sense that I feel this way.” Then, once you’ve acknowledged that, you might be more open to adding: “And I’m thankful I have a daily call I can join where I can talk to about it.”

3. Let your body lead.
If your mind won’t find gratitude, try going through the motions. Put your hand on your heart. Breathe in. Even say “thank you” out loud, without needing to mean it fully yet. It’s not fake — it’s priming the pump.

4. Borrow gratitude.
If you can’t find your own, think of someone else who might be feeling grateful. Like: “I imagine someone out there is thankful for a warm meal tonight.” Sometimes just remembering that gratitude exists out there helps reconnect you to it.

5. Don’t make it a performance.
Gratitude isn’t about pretending things are fine when they’re not. It’s about finding one small, solid thing to stand on in the storm. Even if it’s just, “I made it through today.”

I was in a class where someone said that we can not be anxious when we are in gratitude. The part of our brain that does anxiety is the same that does gratitude.

I asked Chat GPT if there was research about that and the answer was “Yes! The idea that anxiety and gratitude are processed in the same part of the brain comes from neuroscience research on the limbic system, particularly the amygdala and prefrontal cortex”.

I’ll spare you the actual research data but I thought this was worth noting: “Because the same brain areas process both anxiety and gratitude, you can train your brain to focus more on gratitude, which helps reduce anxious thoughts. This is why gratitude practices—such as journaling, verbalizing appreciation, or even thinking of three things you’re grateful for—can be effective in calming anxiety.”

I did 365 days of gratitude in 2015 and absolutely loved how after 3 weeks, the practice made a big difference in my outlook on life.