I am still listening to Brenee Brown with her book Daring Greatly. It is so packed with stuff that I feel that I need to study this book. Its like the text book on how to bring wholeheartedness and true belonging to life. In her book she mentioned her first Tedx talk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0). In this talk, she says: “Connection is why we are here. Connection give purpose and meaning to our lives … What we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected is neurobiologically how we’re wired. It’s why we are here.”
I noticed this sentence because I have wondered for a while, why is there people with whom we feel connected and others we don’t. Or even why some conversations leave us feeling connected, while other conversations with the same person leaves us unmoved.
I can not yet put into word how Brenee Brown explains that it comes down to courage, vulnerability, and self-love.
I am listening to several audiobooks from Brenee Brown. She talks about vulnerability and courage. She also talks about self-worth. I saw a few articles comparing self-worth and self-love and which one comes first. I believe they go hand-in-hand. And most importantly, as Brenee Brown says about self-worth, they are a practice. We don’t suddenly have self-love or self-worth unless we practice changing the thoughts we allow in our brain about ourselves.
I believe that one of the key elements of self love is to know oneself. When I know myself I can bring compassion to the part of me that are less than shiny and I can use my strengths to contribute to the world. Author Gretchen Rubin writes: “My first commandment is to “Be Gretchen”—yet it’s very hard to know myself. I get so distracted by the way I wish I were, or the way I assume I am, that I lose sight of what’s actually true.”
Today, I am reflecting on what I know about myself.
In his book, Play Well With Others, Eric Barker writes:
“One of the biggest contributors to our happiness is our relationships. A study found a better social life was the happiness equivalent of an extra $131,232 a year. […] When you see yourself as part of a group, a family, or a team, problems get smaller and the joys become more frequent. When we know we’re not alone, life becomes more beautiful and gathers us into the dance”.
For me, self-love is one of the necessary ingredients for feeling connected to others. Without self-love, we might let fear and judgement of ourselves override the possibility of feeling connected.
I started listening to an audiobook titled “The Art of Self Love” by Kim Morisson. I thought it would be a great source of inspiration for my 365 posts on self love. And 2 things happened: One, I was busy when I was hearing the amazing inspiring words at the beginning and I could not take notes. And since I continued listening, I am not sure where the inspirational passage was. Second, the author’s favorite self-care sees to be aromatherapy. I really get the impact aromatherapy can have on wellbeing and at the same time, it is not a practice of self care for me. I believe that part of self love is to be willing to recognize when things that work for others don’t work for us. And that’s ok.
I am back! I had been so exhausted the last few days that I did not turn on my computer and did not even remember I wanted to post about self-love. For me, creating structures that remind us about what is important to us is an act of self-love. The same goes with creating new rules: 365 days of self-love may take 2 years!!!
Another important aspect of self-love is creating boundaries. My friend, Nicole Tsong was interviewed on King 5 (TV Channel in Seattle) and describes different types of boundaries.
Are you setting boundaries? Or is it something you could practice more?
Today in our Geotran call we talked about when things are not unfolding the way we thought they would and the way we wanted them to. As part of self love, we can stop and notice and then practice detachment: “I would prefer if ………… and I choose to be ok with what is.” Sometimes we are not ok with what is. Then comes the work of identifying what we feel and who can help us heal.
Who would you call to help you sort how you feel?
Today I am looking at healing from disappointments. I was recently reminded how when we are hurt, we have a choice: we can live protecting ourselves from future hurt or we can choose to fully live. And to choose to live fully, we have to heal fully. When it comes to healing disappointments, I don’t believe there is any magical solution: it takes time, self-love, and the help of others. In the “help from others” category, it can be a specific healing modality that you practice or it can be a visit to a therapist or a friend or all of the above.
And sometimes, we think we have fully healed something and then it seems to show up again years later. Bringing in self-love, we can be at peace with the fact that the wound is re-opening and do the healing work again.
Today I was reminded of 2 things: self-care is part of self-love and it is not all of it as beautifully explained by my Geotran friend Nicole Tsong. And even when you love yourself, in the self-discovery journey, there are difficult days. In those days: call a friend who knows how to get you out of the hole or call me!
Yesterday, I heard someone say: “We are here in this life, we might as well play full out and participate fully.” I agree wholeheartedly. We are here so we might as well make the best of it. For me, self-love is one way to make the journey more pleasant. What other ways can you think of to make the adventure of life more pleasant?